Dedication of myself to myself for the benefit of myself'

(I found this recently and laughed remembering when I wrote this for my daughter to sign awhile ago when we were having difficulty getting her on board with the things that she said she wanted. Now I think you could use a laugh with me although I must remind you that I always give her the right to change her mind about her definition of success, but until she owns the fact that she has changed her mind. I will always remind her of what she says she wants. Okay, now you can read it knowing that although I admit my critical parental tendencies is only because I care. LOL)

This unilateral agreement is evidence that from this date forward I commit to myself the goals that I have determined to be successful according to my definition of success.

I will not waiver, detour, delay, rescind or reject any opportunity that becomes available to me because I am committed to learning to love myself and I am capable and worthy of accomplishments.

I am whole heartedly determined, without reservation, to learn how to deal with my pain without medicating in any form and helping those who love me to understand my pain. I agree to attend all available counseling and engage in role playing and communicating with my loved ones until we clearly have empathy for one another with calm, fair, progressive conversation followed by intense pursuit of changing self defeating behaviors. (hahaha! Talk about emotional bootcamp - giggle)

My first step to avoid self defeating behaviors is to agree that I will avoid any relationship that allows me lenience in my commitments to myself including but not limited to family, classmates and co-workers.

In the past I have deliberately been unclear in order to mislead and avoid committing to my accountabilities for reasons, yet to be found, never-the-less, beginning today I will no longer avoid being truly myself in front of everyone with definite resolved conscious convictions for the benefit of being true to myself because I am a good person and determined to overcome my fears.

My second step is to commit to keeping all of my appointments in a timely fashion and be prepared for each appointment with enthusiasm. I plan to do this by keeping my calendar and each evening going over the next days projects and staying on task with future goals by doing something each day that gets me toward my goals both short and long term.

I agree that I may need help along the way. I am committed to being honest with myself about these needy areas and asking for help from wise counsel. I agree to work diligently to adopt the twelve steps of al inon in spite of my trouble getting through the second step by agreeing to live the questions until the answers come. (Andie corrected me because I originally thought it was the first step that had to do with handing it over to a higher power) Life is sloppy, but it's beautiful!

(Now that there has been some distance between the trauma and now.... giggle.... I realize why we don't live together. hahahaha! I must admit that this is just one of four pages, HOLY COW. shhhhhhhh don't tell her that I admit that I was going overboard with trying to direct her rehabilitation. I really truly was just trying to keep her out of the hospital. Jeeze, I am glad she still loves me in spite of me.)

My daily prayer

Dear YHWH (also known as "Jehovah", "I am", "Creator", "Heavenly Father", "Holy God Almighty")

May my threshold of coping skills run high and wide so that in the effort to take care of myself there is no harm done to others. Help me to be gracious with others when I am injured by them.

Navigate me away from people that cause division, hurt my spirit, or cause my soul to need excessive nurturing. Wither away my rooted bitterness and replace it with the sweetness of your grace.

Place encouraging words in my mind and heart to speak to others because I know you will hold me accountable for careless words spoken and it will grieve me. Wrap your arms around myself and my loved ones keeping us from evil and comforting us when our expectations are not met by circumstances or others. May we always have enough to keep us from temptation of thoughts or actions outside your good will.

Guide my passion as I leave no stone unturned searching for the things wanted out of life with my precious partner that you have so carefully chosen to be my lover and my best friend. Keep us as iron sharpens iron to become the loving force that builds up a safe haven for one another and protects those who gather around us.

When I experience anger, show me how to exercise it's gift to take care of myself with deliberate cautious action and while practicing this art of selfishness help direct me through clear meditation and with intent to center myself in your precious universe with the plan you have for me so that I experience your rewards as I seek truth in your likeness.

Continue to give me peace and a love of the understanding of other points of view as discussion and debate grow me in wisdom of all kinds.

Give me joy that causes me to smile my goofy grin from ear to ear as I journey through this life.

May I never think that I am beyond the need to seek wise counsel nor need not your guiding hand.

Thank you for never leaving me alone, for binding up my broken heart, and healing my woundedness. Thank you for seeing only your precious son on my right side as I enter your presence. In Jesus precious name. Amen!